It’s amazing that people have the mindset that says, “I got it!” As for me, I’m always in the never ending pursuit to know more than I knew the day before. Even when I wasn’t in school, I was constantly with my head in a book studyingsomething. My life is constantly in transition and transformation. As such, I need to remain current and relevant to the things that I value and deem important and a priority to me.
I remember like it was yesterday, the period when my wife and I began our courtship. We spent countless hours on the phone in conversation. Long before we had even gone out with each other, those conversations served as a means by which we learned about who the other one was, what made each of us tick, what we each enjoyed and what we ultimately hoped to become. What began as a long distance relationship built into a marriage born out of a display of how well we knew each other.
But what becomes of a relationship where you cease to study that person? The bible says that we are to, “study to show ourselves approved.” That doesn’t only apply to God‘s word. We are to know our wives. That’s not only in sexual intimacy. We are to have an intimate knowledge of our wives. That level of intimacy is only developed through consistent and persistent studying of our wives.
Even as we are continually changing physically, change is also occurring emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If we are changing, then we must recognize that there is growth and change that is taking place also within our mate. God has joined you together, but you grow together the more intimately connected you become. Just as God reveals Himself to us in the same way that you may peel back the layers of an onion; thereby showing us a deeper part of Himself, that we are now able to handle, we must likewise peel back the layers of our wives to find the deeper connections that bring us closer than we thought possible.
The same can be said for our children. If we are ever to have the desired relationship with our children, so that they always run to us, look to us, honor us, and trust us, then we must put the time in to study them; even when it means giving up game time. It has been said that fathers spend approximately five minutes a day of actual quality time with their children. It’s impossible to truly have an intimate knowledge of them and who they are when they spend more hours in the day with their peers and school teachers.
- Asking Questions: The old adage, “if you don’t ask, then you don’t know,” is true. What you don’t know, you really don’t know. Often, the right question can open the world and wealth to you.
- Without Judgment: It’s always a good idea when getting to the deeper levels of understandings of your children, that you hear what they have to say, without immediate judgment. Young people especially, are sensitive about what they feel mom and dad are going to say. If they think you are just chomping at the bits waiting to rip them another one, they will shut down faster than a bad restaurant.
- Without Distractions: It’s always a good idea that when you really want or need to get things done well, you want to eliminate everything that can become a distraction to you. There is nothing worse than the reaction you get when the person you are getting to know begins to feel as though they are not a priority to you.
- Internalize: Once you’ve learned something, it’s best to take some time to digest it. If you internalize, it helps to ensure that what you now know becomes a part of you to their benefit.
- Respond: You’d be amazed by how studying someone, it allows you to be able to more effectively respond to their needs, wants, and desires.
- Dig Deeper: Just as when you are in school, you get major brownie points when you dig deeper than just what is expected. To be in hot pursuit truly shows how invested you are in others.
Taking the time to study the people that matter to you can have an amazing affect on your most endearing relationships. There is no greater feeling you get than the feeling you get when what you’ve learned can be used to strengthen the bonds that you’ve worked do hard to create.
QUESTION: What do you think is possible for you and your relationships by your taking the time to study?