Let’s face it. Fighting in marriage happens. It’s virtually impossible to avoid. You have two people from separate upbringings, trying to mesh with each other and come to a commonality that is acceptable to both. It is because you are both so close, that often these are the fights that are more heated than any you may have had with any other person. I once heard a prominent pastor describe how he fights with his wife as being, ” vigorous exchange of ideas.” The one thing that most marriage experts will tell you, is that when these moments do arise, there must be a sense of mutual fairness even in how you fight with one another so that respect is shown, and so that hurt is minimized.
In full contact activities like boxing, wrestling, and martial arts there are rules that govern how fighting should be permitted to occur. In practically everyone of these sports, shots to soft or sensitive areas are deemed off limits and counted as low blows. The appropriate term is “hitting below the belt.”
Past Issues: One of the greatest fouls you can commit is to bring up a past issue when dealing with a present problem. Even if it is the same issue, it is important to keep your argument focused on the present situation. Compounding increases the harm that may potentially be inflicted on a person because it’s like opening an old wound. Compounding is only desirable in finance; interest earned. Since we are imperfect people, time must be allowed for someone to resolve these past issues. A person may not have it all worked out in the moment it was presented to them. True forgiveness is letting go of that past, and living in the present.
Verbal, Emotional and Mental Assaults: When tempers flare, it can become easy to lose control of tongues and to begin to say things faster than your own mind can register. For this reason is why God instructs to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become enraged. When we become so enraged, we can say things that are just as emotionally and mentally abuse as a slap in the face or a punch to the gut. Our words are powerful and create visual and lasting images that are not so easily dispelled, long after they are spoken. Choose your words as carefully as you would choose your hair style.
Physical Assaults: There is no greater offense than to get physical with your mate. This goes way beyond low, to an automatic DQ (disqualification). Now, there is seldom a referee around in a fight when you’re married, or in any other relationship. Know that when you’ve crossed this line, there are great repercussions that come with it. It is seldom for gotten, even if it is forgiven. You stand to lose the closeness that once was there.
If you’re someone who has a temper and you know certain things set you off, it is best to be aware of what you’re feeling as things become heated, and go to a neutral spot until you can approach things in a proper fashion. There is no shame in saying that you need to step back from things. It takes two to argue, but if you can minimize things when they do arise, you’re much the better for it.
QUESTION: What do you consider to be one of your best practices when it comes to fighting in marriage?
- FAIR FIGHTING OR DECLARED PEACE ZONE…Is either really good for your marriage? (marriage911godsway.com)
- Is Marriage Obsolete? (everydayhealth.com)
- Fighting for Your Marriage … On Your Knees (Part 1) (tamimyer.wordpress.com)
- Marriage isn’t only about sex (handcuffshurt.wordpress.com)