When You Recognize Your Love Language

A couple of weeks ago, I took some time to read Gary Chapman‘s book The Five Love Languages: The Secrets to Love that Last. While I’ve known about this book for years and have even taken the test with my wife to discover our love languages, I’ve been wanting to actually read the book to see why this book is so popular and highly recommended. As someone who personally believes that marriage takes work and that love is a big key to marital and even other relationship successes, I could not help but take the opportunity to sit and read this timeless relationship book.Five Love Languages Cover

Within the pages of the book, Gary highlights the five key love languages that people communicate in. He points out that just as in life, people have a tendency to be fluent in one language and proficient or novice in others, our love language is often like that. We have a primary language that is germane to us, yet we can learn other languages that can help us to better relate to someone else who may not necessarily communicate love in the same way we do.

If you are unfamiliar with the five love languages, the include (1) words of affirmation, (2) acts of service, (3) receiving gifts, (4) quality time, and (5) physical touch. Dr. Chapman points out that we can flow through all of the love languages throughout our life and that our primary love language can change. I know that for me personally I have been a person that thrived on words of affirmation at a time, but I love quality time. My wife, she loves quality time, but her real heart is in acts of service. She’s not only a person who does great and wonderful acts of service but cherishes when others perform acts of service for her.

What we have discovered about our children and their love languages have helped us to bring out the best in them. Even at times when we know that they aren’t having a good day, we can turn those things around by tapping into their personal love language. Our children become more at ease, they find refuge from whatever they have faced throughout the day or even in the last five minutes of interaction with each other.

In looking back on my time actually reading through this book, I’ve found it to be for me a recalibration of a ship’s navigation system. In a relation-ship, you want to be sure that as you are travelling that you aren’t accidentally going off course with the other person. This course correction comes by periodically checking the instruments that are designed to keep you on course. Have you ever stepped on a scale and thought that you’ve gained or lost weight, only to go to the doctor and discover that there’s been no change? Sometimes this can happen because we don’t realize that the scale we use can at time lose their accuracy and need to be reset.

Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts has been like that recalibration for me. It is because of this that I would recommend this book to anyone who has never read it, or advise someone to read it again. Whether you’re married, thinking about marriage, or just want a better relationship with a friend, family member, the next door neighbor or even a stranger, this book is a great tool for keep you speaking the language of those you come in contact with and making sure that there are miscommunications.

QUESTION: Have you ever thought that you were speaking someone’s love language only to discover you were missing it? How did you fix it?


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